Eating Your Heart Out

Now, I’ll preface this by saying that I’ve never been the thinnest branch on the tree, and I’ve been guilty of a few culinary indulgences that would probably offend the delicate sensibilities of more than a few vegetarians (look up “the McGangbang” when you get a free moment!), but I can’t look at the above picture and act like this isn’t a problem, America!!! Click HERE for the whole tale, but the long and short of it; a woman dining at the “Heart Attack Grill” in Las Vegas, collapsed while eating a Double-Bypass Burger, drinking a margarita, and smoking a cigarette! And this wouldn’t even be the first time for the restaurant. Some folks have had full-on heart attacks, and their spokesperson fuckin’ died last year at the ripe old age of 29!

Now, for one, I’m sure these individuals were already on their way to byass alley before dining at the Heart Attack Grill. And I’m not gonna act like this is something new. I know this is a big-eating culture that we live in, what with competitive eating, and television shows devoted to seeing how much food someone can eat in a small period of time. And to be fair, the Heart Attack Grill isn’t selling you on their product the way most fast food chains do, with a lot of side-winding and misdirection in their marketing. (NO! eating McDonald’s does NOT make you smarter than your girlfriend!!! NO! No one is driving 900 miles with their friends to buy a taco with a shell made outta goddamn Doritos!!! I guarantee you it won’t be worth all that fucking gas you wasted!!!! Ya dumb motherfucker!!!)

To an extent, you can’t fault the Heart Attack Grill for telling it like it is. But there’s another part of me, the part of me that’s spent the last month literally working my ass of to eat healthier, and get slimmer (down 20 pounds since last month, bitches!!!), that reads the owner’s statements about his restaurant, “It’s a lifestyle issue,” Basso said. “We attract the avant-garde of lifestyle seekers.”, and all I can think is, “FUCK YOU, DUDE!!!” It’s one thing to contribute to the fat bastarding of America, and there definitely needs to be accountability on the part of the patrons, but it’s a whole other wad of lard to be an establishment that celebrates, encourages, and offers incentives for it! If you’re already a fat bastard weighing over 350 pounds, you don’t even have to pay for your meal!!! A meal that includes “flatiner” fries, a pack of unfiltered cigarettes (I guess that’s dessert!), and the option of upgrading a single bypass burger to a double bypass burger!

1 comment

  1. Michelle says:

    I agree! I read yesterday that Pizza Hut is selling a cheeseburger crust pizza in the Middle East. WHY?

    And meet the Pumpple Cake — a pumpkin pie and apple pie baked into a chocolate and vanilla cake, covered in buttercream frosting. It weighs 15 pounds, stands over a foot tall, and contains 1,800 calories a slice.

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